Chapter 1

Main Characters: Arwen and basically everyone
Rating: PG
Pairings: surprise!
Genre: Humor
Length: multi-chaptered Story
Summary: Middle Earth faces one danger: Arwen Evenstar. A Fellowship of Seamstress Slayers is formed to defeat her and a perillious journey begins.

~***~

Three earings for the elven Kings under the sky.
Seven mugs of ale for the Dwarven Kings in their halls of Stone
Nine combs for mortal men doomed to die
One necklace for the Elven seamstress on her lazy throne
in the valley of Imladris where the Evenstar lies
One Evenstar to rule them all, one Evenstar to find them
One Evenstar to bring them all in and the twilight bind them
In the valley of Imladris where the twillight lies.

~***~

Nearly 3000 years ago, a terrible thing happened to the peaceful lands of Middle-Earth. In the once beautiful valley of Imladris, a baby girl was born. And her name was Arwen. None knew it then, but she would become the most evil being ever seen in this world.

Her beauty was alike Lúthien, but her mind was evil. Can you imagine a more terrible Mary-Sue ? But her true evil showed when she met Aragorn, son of Arathorn. Oh yes, for this man would become the most powerful in all of Arda in the upcoming Age. And there was nothing that would stop her from making him hers. Thus, in order to enslave him, she gave him the beautiful necklace she was wearing : the One Evenstar. Once the Evenstar has a hold of you it never lets you go. You are bound to it and it is bound to you. Aragorn was trapped. There was nowhere for him to run to, no matter how far he travelled: to Rohan, to Gondor, to the City of the Corsairs. He could not escape her.

Finally, the Men, Elves and Other Peoples of Middle-Earth orginized a Council under the authority of Elrond, who was sick of his evil sewing daughter. They gathered in secret in Rivendell and made sure that Elladan and Elrohir kept Arwen away. In order to achieve this, the brethren made sure she had a few Hobbits to cuddle. It was decided that there was only one solution : send Arwen to the Grey Havens along with her dark jewel. Only the bravest and hardiest of the people of Middle-Earth were chosen to send this evil away. Only those that could withstand her evil charms.

First was chosen Gimli, for he was one of the hardiest Dwarves. He was bold and brave. Then Gandalf, the wisest wizard for his counsel was precious. Faramir was also chosen. This Dúnadan could withstand any temptation, for he would not touch the Evenstar if it lay on the highway. Faramir's brother Boromir was chosen as well, for he was a strong and mighty warrior. Then followed Éowyn, Shieldmaiden of Rohan, because she was fearless and a woman, which was quite handy in regards on the evil they had to face. Glorfindel the elf lord volunteered because Arwen stole his beloved steed Asfaloth and because she locked him up Rivendell. Galadriel as well volunteered, because her granddaughter was giving her a headache and used her mirror every second of the day. She wanted to no longer sit aside and watch, but get rid of the problem actively. And finally, the last two were chosen. They were Merry and Pippin, the two Hobbits who no longer wanted to be cuddled by the evil seamstress and wanted to aid in the process of her passing.

And Elrond, happy as he had not been in ages said:
"So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Seamstress Slayers!"

They set out in utmost secret, on their to rescue the object of Arwen's desire from her clutches and witchcraft. But the Big Lips (the terrific name Arwen was known by in Middle-Earth) has already kissed most of the lands of the once Free Folk. Thanks to her faithful servants, the Arguls, the dark she-elf had already claimed its Earth as hers. The Starwraiths made sure by their horrid singing screams that everyone would love Arwen's voice. They were once men, great King's of men. Like all others they were enchanted by Arwen's dreadful loveliness and now they are slaves to her will.

TO BE CONTINUED